rant

I have received feedback on my 2nd NaNo novel; It is overwhelming me to the point which I can't work on anything.
normally I would go other to my next door neighbors house and talk/work with her, but she is in japan.
next I would talk to my mom or younger brother; my brother is in bed asleep (Not really asleep, but he's supposed to be and thus unable to talk) and my mom is at a MUUMs meeting.
Now what?

Maybe I'll talk to you; whomever is reading this.

Why did I chose this writing style? or better yet, why did I stop using it half way through the book?
(this is where my head begins hitting the desk repeatedly)
Why is it SO hard for me to transform something I've already written into something that is the same thing, but a different kind?
and why do I feel so excited about these changes, and yet so apprehensive?
its very easy to turn something that someone ELSE has written, say, a newspaper article, into a delightful piece of the immense tapestry that is At War?
why do I begin to feel utterly desperate, in a way that makes me think that I am no kind of writer at all, none the less one strong enough to bring such a beautiful idea into the world fully formed, at the slightest set back?
Despite the fact that I had my mentor, and partial inspiration, not to mention hero, tell me otherwise about the very same piece that I am experiencing difficulty's with?
Why do I hate my brain?

thank you for listening. it helped, a little.