Colorado night; a letter to sarah.

she's in japan

i miss her.

rant

I have received feedback on my 2nd NaNo novel; It is overwhelming me to the point which I can't work on anything.
normally I would go other to my next door neighbors house and talk/work with her, but she is in japan.
next I would talk to my mom or younger brother; my brother is in bed asleep (Not really asleep, but he's supposed to be and thus unable to talk) and my mom is at a MUUMs meeting.
Now what?

Maybe I'll talk to you; whomever is reading this.

Why did I chose this writing style? or better yet, why did I stop using it half way through the book?
(this is where my head begins hitting the desk repeatedly)
Why is it SO hard for me to transform something I've already written into something that is the same thing, but a different kind?
and why do I feel so excited about these changes, and yet so apprehensive?
its very easy to turn something that someone ELSE has written, say, a newspaper article, into a delightful piece of the immense tapestry that is At War?
why do I begin to feel utterly desperate, in a way that makes me think that I am no kind of writer at all, none the less one strong enough to bring such a beautiful idea into the world fully formed, at the slightest set back?
Despite the fact that I had my mentor, and partial inspiration, not to mention hero, tell me otherwise about the very same piece that I am experiencing difficulty's with?
Why do I hate my brain?

thank you for listening. it helped, a little.

Nixon

5 Held in Plot to Bug Democrats' Office Here
Sunday, June 18, 1972

GOP Security Aide Among Five Arrested in Bugging Affair

June 19, 1972

Bug Suspect Got Campaign Funds

August 1, 1972

 Mitchell Controlled Secret GOP Fund

September 29, 1972

 FBI Finds Nixon Aides Sabotaged Democrats

October 10, 1972

These are the headlines that ran during the Watergate scandal, and those, along with their accompanying articles, make it hard to believe the headline that comes next.

 

Nixon Wins Landslide Victory; Democrats Hold Senate, House

November 8, 1972

How could we re-elect a man who was so clearly involved with such a doubtlessly scandals enterprise as the bugging of a political office, possibly to rig the election, or some other treasonous means?  

 

Last Two Guilty in Watergate Plot

January 31, 1973

 

3 Top Nixon Aides, Kleindienst Out; President Accepts Full Responsibility; Richardson Will Conduct New Probe

May 1, 1973

 

Cox Is Chosen as Special Prosecutor

May 19, 1973

 

Dean Alleges Nixon Knew of Cover-up Plan

 June 3, 1973

 

Break-In Memo Sent to Ehrlichman

June 13, 1973

 

President Taped Talks, Phone Calls; Lawyer Ties Ehrlichman to Payments

July 17, 1973

 

President Refuses to Turn Over Tapes; Ervin Committee, Cox Issue Subpoenas

 July 24, 1973  

Nixon Forces Firing of Cox; Richardson, Ruckelshaus Quit: President Abolishes Prosecutor’s Office; FBI Seals Records

October 21, 1973

 

Nixon Tells Editors, ‘I’m Not a Crook’

November 18, 1973

 

Another Tape Found Faulty, Sirica Is Told; Haldeman, Nixon Talk Is Involved

 November 18, 1973

 

Nixon Resigns

August 9, 1974

only to be proved so completely wrong by this, a near impeachment, followed by the resignation of our president?

I, of America's youngest generation, shake my head at the stupidity of some people.